[On Faith], [On Family]

The Climax of Easter Night

No Comments

Thankful for the day and these people, and for this night that is “lighter than day.”⠀
⠀
“The only real thing, especially in the child’s world, which the child accepts easily, is precisely joy. We have made our Christianity so adult, so serious, so sad, so solemn that we have almost emptied it of that joy. Yet Christ Himself said, ‘Unless you become like children, you will not enter the Kingdom of God.’ To become as a child in Christ’s terms means to be capable of that spiritual joy of which an adult is almost completely incapable. To enter into that communion with things, with nature, with other people without suspicion of fear or frustration. ⠀
⠀
We often use the term ‘grace.’ But what is grace? Charisma in Greek means not only grace but also joy. ‘And I will give you the joy that no one will take away from you…’ If I stress this point so much, it is because I am sure that, if we have a message to our own people, it is that message of Easter joy which finds its climax on Easter night. ⠀
⠀
When we stand at the door of the church and the priest has said, ‘Christ Is Risen,’ then the night becomes in the terms of St. Gregory of Nyssa, ‘lighter than the day.’ This is the secret strength, the real root of Christian experience. Only within the framework of this joy can we understand everything else.”⠀
⠀
-Alexander Schmemann, from “Sanctification of Life” (1963)⠀

Continue Reading

[On Family]

On Homeschooling, Dyslexia, IEPs, & my 9 yo Poet/Astrophysicist

No Comments

My 9-year-old confessed to me the other day: “You know what, Mom? I feel so much smarter here than I did at school” [my Mom heart sank a bit and my eyes froze on her expressive face with her little dyslexic mind deep in thought].

“…At school it seemed like I spent all of my time just not being able to read while everyone else could, but here at home I learn about black holes and supernovas and invent stuff and write poetry. And I’m really good at those things [Exhale. There’s the confident mini-woman I know and love].

This kid. She braved through one year of IEPs the year before last like a champ, and while unlike her it often left me in tears (and few things do), the contrast of it all helped us both realize how much she loves learning. In ways a system (as supportive as it truly was), could never have brought forth.

At school, her remedial reading handed her nothing to wonder and dwell on, while at home she can ask me to read her cosmology, theology, and Longfellow to her heart’s content.

…I was hanging up some clothes in her closet and discovered her sweet impromptu solar system☝️

She informed me that she’s decided to be an astrophysicist. Because: “I think it would probably be a more stable job than a poet”😆

It’s a fascinating thing to go about our days together as I slowly figure out how her mind and soul work and what they were made for.

She will eventually learn how to properly read all the words and ideas she’s grown to love, she will eventually learn how to properly spell all the poetry and stories that pour out of her, and I will eventually learn how to properly channel the beautiful, quirky intensity of this kid I was given. …The one who can’t decide if she’s gonna be an Einstein or an Anne of Green Gables, but I have a feeling she’s going to figure it out.

(I share this because I know many are having homeschooling thrust upon them in ways none of us envisioned. But I can say with confidence that along with its high and lows, which there are, there’s an unmatched freedom to it that allows some minds and souls to become far more themself than they ever could have otherwise).

Her first tourtière🏆 (everything tastes better when cooked in an apron and snakeskin boots)

“Doing Modern Art” when she was supposed to be doing math🙄

Black Holes and distant galaxies🌌

Fiddling in the meadow💕

Continue Reading

[On Family], [On Schooling]

How We Homeschool, Charlotte Mason, and A Gentle Feast

7 Comments

I don’t generally cover much of our homeschooling here, but I’ve been getting so many questions on it during these crazy days of pandemic schooling I thought it would be helpful to have a place for some of the information to live so I could point towards it in these days to come.

In an effort to keep this from being needlessly lengthy I’m going to link where possible to things that have already been said.

Most of our schooling tends to be within the bounds of the Charlotte Mason philosophy of education. Mason was an early childhood school teacher, a college teacher in elementary learning methods, and an educational author before she formed what was originally a union for home schooling mothers, the Parents National Education Union (PNEU), in 1891. 

One of my first introductions to Charlotte Mason was within the pages of For the Children’s Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay (one of Francis and Edith Schaeffer’s daughters). I won’t expand on Mason’s philosophy here, but you can read on it here or here (the gist of it: living books rather than textbooks; short lessons; habits; nature study and play; art and music appreciation; and a natural yet deep approach to language, through copywork, narration, and dictation).

The more we homeschooled, the more I realized how wonderful of a fit it was for us as it organically focuses on so many of the things I wanted to be a part of our education such as literature, critical thinking, education as life, nature, beauty and wonder, good habits, and caring for the whole child. This post really mirrors my experiences and describes why I’ve come to love CM-style schooling.

We used Ambleside Online (AO) for years and it was a great place to dive into excellent books and begin learning little-by-little how to incorporate many of these elements into our days. I’m really thankful for it.

As our number of kids to be schooled increased and our available time decreased (due to multiple moves and renovations one after the other), we stumbled upon a more complete homeschooling curriculum A Gentle Feast (AGF). It was supposed to be a temporary time-saving switch during the craziness, but here we are years later and we haven’t looked back! While we loved AO, it took significantly more work to pull everything together and implement (especially with more than one or two kids in different years), and as a result many things I think were important often fell by the wayside. AGF has been so much easier for schooling multiple children together and providing us with a ready-to-implement curriculum, schedules, and resources at our fingertips.

Many ask about how it compares with Ambleside Online and Simply Charlotte Mason (SCM) and you can read more in-depth on that here but my personal opinion is that AO wasn’t quite enough (without a lot of effort), SCM is too much (very structured and hard to modify/swap out books), while AGF is just right. I tweak the schedule to suit us (we do 4 days a week and take a “Sabbath week” off after every six-week term), I can easily substitute books as needed, I spend so much less time on planning and managing, and we do a lot more things together as a family (morning time, scripture memorization, artist/composer/poet study, hymns and folk songs, tales, and much of our history/science).

Here’s how you start (I’ll do another post later on how we implement and use it daily):

1. Visit A Gentle Feast and pick your Cycle. There are four that you’ll cycle through as a family over the course of your childrens’ education, getting more in-depth each time as they get older. In brief:

  • Cycle 1 (“Columbus, Conquests, and Colonies”) covers 1000-1650 AD, with grades 5-12 also covering Early Civilizations for ancient history
  • Cycle 2 (“Wars, Whigs, and Washington”) covers 1650-~1800 AD, with grades 5-12 also covering The Greeks for ancient history
  • Cycle 3 (“Reforms, Revolutions, and Reconstruction”) covers 1800-1900 AD, with grades 5-12 also covering Ancient Rome for ancient history
  • Cycle 4 (“Marvels, Machines, & Modern Times”) covers 1900-present, with grades 5-12 also covering Early Middle Ages for ancient history

*It’s recommended you start with Cycle 1, but if you don’t you’ll still work through them all eventually. I’m a visual person, so you can see this in a graphic at the very bottom of this post

2. Decide if you want the main curriculum in a print or digital format.

This is the “meat” of the system. Schedules, assignments, exam questions, book lists, resources list, links, support groups, online resources, etc.

If you select it in a printed format, you get a hardcopy teacher’s manual (TM). The TM is not an absolute necessity and only comes with the printed version but I find it helpful as well as beautiful (various components within the TM are available individually in your online resources account with the digital version but not as a full digital pdf manual), so I always buy the printed TM with everything else in digital (both versions still include digital/online resources). The printed TM includes background and overview of everything, instructions, and printed schedules for the whole year all in one handy book (with space for lists and notes). It’s like a lovely spiral hardcopy planner. I also love the printed version because I can see all forms together in the schedules which really helps with our family schooling (the digital versions are broken out by form).

Other resources that come with it include a robust online section with editable schedules and plans, book list for that cycle (available to buy separately, but included with your curriculum purchase), links to corresponding videos, exam questions, printables, videos, monthly calls, and much more.

3. Determine what “forms” all of your children will be in. This is kind of a fancy way of saying what grade they’re in (but I much prefer it to our numbered grades that change every year):

  • Form 1: Lower Elementary (Grades 1-3)
  • Form 2: Upper Elementary (Grades 4-6)
  • Form 3: Junior High (Grades 7-9)
  • Form 4: Senior High (Grades 10-12)

I love the flexibility here. The Teachers’ Manual, schedules, morning time, and resources are provided for ALL FORMS so everything is there for all my children together at no additional cost. If a book seems a little above or below my child’s particular level, no biggie, I can see higher and lower options and switch accordingly. I have a dyslexic child who struggles with reading but her comprehension is wonderful, so I can progress her to form 2 in most things and form 1 for others. I moved one ambitious child up to a higher form this year and kept another child at his form for an extra year because I didn’t feel he was ready (but still mix between form 2/3 books throughout the year). Don’t feel tied to your form.

*Another secret, I’ve since started schooling everyone under high school together and it’s been amazing. I simply pick whichever books for each subject, across all forms, that I think would be the best for everyone and we read them aloud together (using LibriVox and audiobooks wherever possible). AGF makes it really easy to pull it off. I really need to do a whole post just on this.

4. Select which additional components you’d like included.

The options are:

  • Morning Time Bundle
  • Language Arts (LA) Packets OR Reading Programs (if not yet a strong reader)
  • Cursive and Manuscript Handwriting Programs

I’ve used all of these at different times. You can purchase them all printed or I usually purchase the digital formats to re-use and print/spiral bind myself as needed.

The LA packets are consumable for each child and include all of their Language Arts in one book broken out by day for the whole year. This was a game-changer for me and what initially sold me on the whole curriculum. They can be purchased in manuscript or cursive font. Based on form (I stick to their ability level regardless of what form books we’re reading), and it provides daily assignments for each week (many based on their book readings) in:

  • Copywork, grammar, dictation, spelling, composition, and drawing…all in one simple spiral book

The Morning Time (MT) resources are beautiful. We can print out the works of art we are studying, link to hymns, poems, etc., and it has our family morning time schedule for the whole year:

  • Bible and “Beauty Loop” (Artist/Composer study, Poetry Recitation, Poet study, Fables/Hero Tales, and Hymn Study).

There are also alternatives provided for poets, composers, artists, and hymns so as you progress through the cycles in future years you won’t repeat them. NOTE: If you don’t want to purchase, you can still access basic MT plans and links in your full curriculum online resources, but you won’t get the pdfs with all the lovely printable student and teacher packets/pages (that we put in our menus mentioned below in my summary).

Other optional add-ons are the cursive and manuscript handwriting programs and two levels of beginner reading programs (100 Gentle Lessons in Sight & Sound Levels 1 or Level 2).

NOTE: You would generally use the handwriting programs as needed in addition to your student’s LA packet, while the Sight & Sounds Reading programs would be used until they are a comfortable reader before they begin using a LA packet. Some children skip the reading programs and go right to the LA, some only need to do the Level 1 reading program, some need both before moving to the LA (check the samples provided or I’m happy to send, to help determine your child’s level).

5. Buy (or borrow/download) your books!

This is what’s called a “living books” curriculum in that there are no dry textbooks and worksheets, but excellent books that bring your children right to the source of what we’re learning about. It takes so much pressure off of me since I don’t have to waste time attempting to teach things they can get right from the experts 😉

Many are classics that we already have (or ought to have anyhow) in our personal library. We get many at library sales. You can do kindle/e-books, borrow, check out, or buy used. Tons are at archive.org and we listen to many together for free via LibriVox.

Your booklist will list out your Morning Time books, Curriculum books by subject and term, free reads, optional books, read-alouds, math suggestions, etc. (I recommend using the editable booklist in your Online Resources, it’s easier to browse). Thriftbooks and the bargain bin at Better World Books are my top places to purchase.

To summarize, here’s what I have/use:

  • Teacher’s Manual (covers everything for everyone) and the included online resources
  • Morning Time resources and printouts. I buy clear plastic menus (MT GAME-CHANGER), put my MT schedules and printables in mine, put each child’s printouts in theirs (poems, hymns, verses, etc.), and have a few extras with the artworks we’re studying that term. Even the 5yo has her own little version:)
  • Language Arts packet, printed and consumable for each child able to read
  • Books gathered from the provided booklist for each child (for the next term or full year if ambitious). Multiple children in the same form can share books
  • Math curriculum of your choice (only thing not included, which I’m glad for since math is so specific to needs/abilities)
  • Supplies. Other than our books, we basically just get a composition notebook, sketchbook/nature journal, a clipboard (I like to give them each their own weekly schedule to work through) and some colored pencils/pencils and we’re pretty much set!
  • AGF extras. As mentioned, I purchased the manuscript and cursive handwriting packet that I print/bind each year for whichever child needs it. I also purchased and printed/bound the 100 Gentle Lessons early reading program which I re-use for whichever child is learning how to read until they’re ready to move up to the Language Arts packet.

I hope that firehose of information helps. I’ll try to answer questions and update/edit here as I’m able. Julie, the creator of AGF was kind enough to pass on a coupon for me to share. Just click through here and enter the code Bonnie10 during checkout (P.S. and I buy my curriculum just like everybody else). [UPDATE: coupon has expired, but I’ll update if I receive a new one].

I will also say that every week, every year it gets better. Rhythms become more second-nature, implementation gets smoother and smoother, and we just are able to dig deeper each time around. In closing, I’ve found that A Gentle Feast provides the depth, beauty, and yet simplicity that I look for in schooling. It is thorough, yet holistic and I’m truly thankful to have stumbled upon it.

“Now, thought breeds thought. It is as vital thought touches our minds that our own ideas are vitalized in the contact, and out of our ideas comes our conduct of life. That is why the direct and immediate impact of great minds upon his own mind is a necessary factor in the education of a child. If you want to know how far a given school lays itself out to furnish its scholars with the material for opinions, ask to see the list of books in reading during the current term.”

-Charlotte M. Mason, The Parents Review (1910)

Teachers’ Manual

Morning Time Resources

Language Arts Packets (I haven’t printed mine out yet)

Continue Reading

[On Faith], [On Family]

“I am, I Can, I Ought, I Will”

No Comments

[Trying to get this kid to come start school this morning/afternoon for the umpteenth time]:

N: “…but Mom, I just really can’t. I’m working on something SO important right now. I’M RE-DOING MODERN ART.”

It was a really tough day with this one in particular, who was fighting against Monday with all her might after a busy holiday week of traveling. But as I lay here now and think back on the day, I realized she was at her best when she was making.

…Mounds of construction paper snowflakes before I was even out of bed. Intricate train track towns slowly filling the room as I worked with the other kids. Pages of Mondrian-style artistic creations because a right-angled ruler and a tin of colored pencils caught her eye on her way to start math. Slowly and attentively tackling “Good King Wenceslas,” for the first time with her violin teacher, because even though she grumbled all the way to practice, she simply couldn’t stifle her desire to make music.

“I am, I can, I ought, I will,” is the Charlotte Mason student motto so often before me, and I’m struck by how even on days where our children get nowhere close to the end of that motto, the “I am” part of it never changes. It’s always there. And I’m convinced the only way they will ever truly make it to the whole “I will” part — at least in the way they ought — is by knowing who they are, whose they are, who they were created to be, and what they were created to do.

Even at her worst, my dear tired little girl, just couldn’t keep herself from making and creating.

Yes, we must do math. Yes, we must figure out how to teach her dyslexic little mind to decipher all the words she so loves to hear and speak. Yes, we must (all) learn to actually do what we ought because it’s how we do right by others and ourselves. …BUT every so often, if we have to spend an entire Monday just camping out on that tiny little, but eternally significant “I am,” and go to bed praying that grace will get us closer to the “I will” tomorrow, well gosh darn it, that’s just what we’re gonna do😂

#iwillbecauseiam

Continue Reading

[On Faith], [On Family], [On Schooling]

In the Image of their Maker

No Comments

”In our society, at the age of five, 90 percent of the population measures ‘high creativity.’ By the age of seven, the figure has dropped to 10 percent. The percentage of adults with high creativity is only two percent! …We are diminished, and we forget that we are more than we know. The child is aware of unlimited potential, and this munificence is one of the joys of creativity. Those of use who struggle in our own ways, small or great, trickles or rivers, to create, are constantly having to unlearn what the world would teach us” (Madeleine L’Engle, ‘Walking on Water‘).

I’m not a craft mom. My utilitarian bent drags me down & my creativity tends to manifest itself in necessary things… learning how to lay hardwood flooring because we need a floor, cooking a meal because we need to eat dinner, sewing because my kid has a hole in his pants. But crafts are messy and superfluous, and what do I do with it when it’s done??

Curiously though, I love art and music and poetry and so many beautiful things I no longer can find the time to do or learn or cultivate.

My kids though, they CREATE. With no clause of necessity attached. They do it because it brings them joy, and I’m struck by how beautifully that reflects their Creator

One of my sons interrupted me the other night, well past his bedtime, excitedly wanting to show me this ship he was stitching. I was frustrated then, but saw it sitting in the corner today, and it touched me. This is my kid who gravitates to all things facts and reason. He lives and breathes sports and history and facts. He’s not my imaginative or creative one, but he loves making and building and executing. No pattern or instruction from me, he just bummed some supplies off his Great-Grandma and ran with it.

And I realized the importance of this. Here is my child who happens to be struggling with the abstractness of faith, yet something in him still loves the abstract beauty of creating. Because whether we see it or grasp it, we were made in the image of our maker and the “creative impulse can be killed, but it cannot be taught” (L’Engle).

There’s a flame there apart from me, that I could never ignite, but I can kill or kindle. Lord, help me kindle!

Continue Reading

[On Faith], [On Family]

The Aim of Being Needed no Longer

1 Comment

“The proper aim of giving is to put the recipient in a state where he no longer needs our gift. We feed children in order that they may soon be able to feed themselves; we teach them in order that they may soon not need our teaching. Thus a heavy task is laid upon the Gift-love. It must work towards its own abdication. We must aim at making ourselves superfluous. The hour when we can say ‘They need me no longer’ should be our reward” (C.S. Lewis, ‘The Four Loves’).

Few things in life, have proven harder for me than the act of parenting. It’s continually asking me to give more than I think I have. It empties me. 

In other realms, giving feels simpler. Even when motives aren’t borne out of selfishness, something is generally received back in response. Given to us because we gave. We give in our jobs and we are given recognition or at the very least, a paycheck. We give in academia and we are given knowledge and accolades and degrees. We give in our personal pursuits and we are given success and growth and satisfaction. Even when we give selflessly to our spouse, we are often given back a happier home or a sweeter love or a stronger marriage, of which we comprise half of.

But giving as a parent, rarely results in something being given back (if so, certainly not in correlation to the gift amount).

This is not to elevate the act of giving as a mother or parent above all others, in fact, it’s the one I most often see idolized. A selfish selflessness. In reality, it’s just a different kind of giving and a different kind of love, and it helps me to see that and understand that because unexpected and misunderstood things often breed bitterness and anger.

I know this, because at this very moment I’m sitting here after sending myself to my room because my giving was rooted in selfishness. Oh, I was giving alright—feeding and teaching and cleaning and pouring out—but it was bitter and angry giving. Giving that was angry at not getting back.

But we don’t give to our children to get back. We can’t give expecting a cleaner house or better behaved kids or quieter moments or a thankful heart in exchange. It’s a gift, not a barter. We require obedience and respect and kindness because it’s what we require of ourselves and what God requires of us, but it’s not in exchange for something.

We give of ourselves in order that our children grow and learn and become people no longer reliant on our giving. We give so they can one day give to others. We give because we were given.

Continue Reading

[On Faith]

Fighting Anxiety …Like A Child

No Comments

[Originally published HERE at Servants of Grace]

I sunk into bed during one of those awful, pre-dawn hours of the night after a day where my required tasks had far outnumbered the minutes allotted to me. One of those “Come again, Lord Jesus” moments when you decide you’re utterly unable to wake up and take all the breaths and steps required to get you from one end of the day to the other. The mere thought of the sun coming up — brutishly forcing me to open my eyes and behold the whirlwind of problems and duties that would be there to greet me (in a far too short amount of time) — seemed to feed on my exhaustion and tension, convincing my sleepless-self that I hated the sun and its horrible inevitability and I had no desire to ever see it again.

But it rose anyways.

And after its arrival, one of those inevitable duties toddled into my room to greet me. While the rest of my children have developed varying degrees of self-sufficiency and self-awareness, this freshly-turned-three-year-old grasped my hand, pulled herself up, pressed my tired face between her palms, and candidly informed me of her wants and her needs for the moment. She wasn’t hesitant, or even demanding — but expectant. Because she knew she was incapable of getting through the morning and meeting her needs by herself. Yet she wasn’t troubled by it because she knew I was there, and I could. And my heart ached, because as I watched my sweet child I realized that though I know my God is there and is able, I can’t seem to figure out for the life of me, how to talk my heart into resting in this truth and my feet into walking that path of child-like reliance.

The Calmed and Quieted Soul

I longed to be able to proclaim Psalm 131:

“O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.”

Instead of a self-propelled soul that instinctively presses on, desperately trying not to forget those “oh yeah,” mental sticky notes to remember to seek the Spirit, I yearn for a childlike-soul that doesn’t even know how to take a step apart from him. Not out of fear, but out of a confidence so strong — in his strength, and goodness, and love — that I couldn’t even imagine trying to find my way through the day without clinging to him. O LORD, wean me of myself!

The Weaning Soul

I’ve raised enough babies to understand the difference between a weaned child and a weaning child. That one syllable is the difference between peace and anxiety, contentment and worry, rest and struggle, surrender and striving. …A weaning soul is a weary soul. One that needs to be stilled and soothed as it’s weaned from its desires and thoughts and ways, because something far better is being offered.

We need to follow the path of the psalmist as he seemingly describes his weaning of self, venturing from inward to outward — from heart, to eyes, to actions: “my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me…”(Psalm 131:2).

Until my heart is able to say that it trusts in Christ above all else, I will continue to be broken and betrayed.

Until my eyes can look to nothing above God to satiate my desires, I will continue to taste disappointment.

Until my actions are spurred by the Spirit and his strength alone, I will continue to trip and fall.

The road to that place can be long and trying, but rather than allow our anxiety to falsely prophesy hopelessness, let’s instead rightly proclaim the hope we have because we know who is leading us, and we know to whom we are being led.

“After a period of prolonged and painful struggle to have its longings answered, the little one gives over striving any more, and is at peace. …Like a weaned child, its tears over, its cries hushed, reposing upon the very bosom that a little ago excited its most tumultuous desires, his soul that once passionately strove to wring from God an answer to its eager questionings, now wearied, resigned, and submissive, just lays itself to rest in simple faith on that goodness of God… It is a picture of infinite repose and of touching beauty—the little one nestling close in the mother’s arms, its head reclining trustfully on her shoulder, the tears dried from its now quiet face, and the restful eyes, with just a lingering shadow of bygone sorrow in them still, peering out with a look of utter peace, contentment, and security. It is the peace of accepted pain, the victory of self-surrender” (Rev. James Vaughan, 1876).

The Sun Also Rises

Stressful days will come and go, and I doubt my nights will be forever absent of restlessly watching the clock advance as my brain mentally counts all the seconds I’m not sleeping and all the things I’m not doing. But every night when the darkness comes, I can remember that my sins and anxieties can die with it. And every morning as the sun faithfully rises, I can remember whose mercies for me are new—regardless of what the day brings — because death (and everything in between) was forever conquered.

Dear Lord,

Help me open my eyes in the morning and immediately seek you rather than the world and its worthless things. Make my weaknesses clear and your strength blindingly clearer. Help me rest in your hope rather than wallow in my fear. Thwart my feeble yet habitual attempts to rely on my own abilities. Burden my heart with what distresses you rather than what stresses me. Help me seek you more than answers, pray more than worry, and worship more than grumble. Be my peace in the chaos and my rest after sleepless nights. Help my mind wander to you when I’m weary and anxious. May I hope in the LORD, from this time forth and forevermore.

Amen.

 

Continue Reading

[On Faith]

Dear Daughters

No Comments

[Originally posted HERE at Servants of Grace]

To my dear daughters (whether knit within my womb, or the wombs of others), as well as anyone who has ever loved one:

These days have been laden with a palpable heaviness. I see things, I hear things, I read things and they press on my soul because they’re painting a picture for you and of you that is not from God, or in his image. It differs from what he created and tenderly looked on, beholding its goodness. It does not reflect him or his purposes for you, and it was not what you were intricately woven for. It’s a weight I struggle to ignore and can’t help but wonder how you will come to carry it. I mourn the deep scars it has left on daughters before you, and I yearn for you to have the strength and wisdom to navigate its seemingly inevitable forces.

I see violence against daughters. Their bodies, as currency to steal and spend for power and pleasure. Anonymity used to take what was wanted in the darkness that could never be had in the light. Strength used not to protect but to hurt, and wit used as a weapon for evil rather than good.

I see manipulation of daughters. Sex, as something entitled and owed. Fame or charisma used to coerce or defraud. Popularity as invincibility. Trust used to trespass, and means used to procure more and more and then take what can’t be bought.

I see objectification of daughters. Flirtation and advancement as means of feeding desires wanting to be fed. Respectability used to pardon indiscretion. Past victories used to dismiss present downfalls. Habits allowed to furrow, becoming blinders to seeming hypocrisy. Depersonalization, as a way to view daughters apart from their eternal souls.

Distortions and Definitions

These are not new distortions. They’ve been around in various forms since time was young, but you must learn to fight the forms they take in your time. These are not the only distortions. They are few of many — some you will face, some others will face — but all should be battled against because they distort the truth. I want to help you fight those coming at you, so you’ll be better able to fight those coming at others.

In the age-old narrative of a Father bringing his children to himself and a bridegroom desiring to be united with his bride, daughters have played mighty and graceful roles. Many will over-simplify and condense your character, stripping it of its uniqueness, because it makes the story easier or more comfortable to tell. Many will deny your consistencies and symmetries because it makes the story mesh better with their own tales or perhaps be about something other than what it is.

Be careful of that. Be wary of definitions of yourself that come from someone who didn’t make you.

The Anchor of Who We Are and the Beauty of Who We Can Be

Daughter, as you grow and walk through these weighty times, I want you to do two things:

  1. Rest in the unchanging ways you reflect God as his child and his daughter. The more you understand who you are and aren’t in relation to him, the harder it will be for the world to label you and convince you you’re something you’re not. You have something they can never take.
  2. Learn and understand the varied ways you reflect God as his utterly unique creation to display his glory in ways no one else can. Discover what he made you for and act on it. The more you grasp how God wants to use you, the harder it will be for the world to use you. You are something that has a value and a worth that can never be stripped.

Understanding what steadfastly remains the same and what grows and varies, will help you not lose your bearings or lose your vision.

The Solid Rock and the Living Water

Remember the more you know and seek your Creator, the more you will see him in his creation (including you!), and the more comfortable you will become in understanding yourself as his daughter.

Look at the clear and comforting rhythm of the seasons and cycles that you learned to anticipate before you could articulate. That expectancy of a cool dip to soothe the heat of summer, the recognition that the smell and crispness in the air indicates approaching snow. The birth brought forth in Spring, the death that approaches in Autumn. The life cycles of the plants you pluck and the insects you catch. The life cycles involved in the pregnancy and birth that brought you into this world. Yet every morning is new, every season is different, and every tiny little fingerprint is distinct.

And since the God of these is writing your story, you know his chapters and characters will be soothingly consistent and familiar, yet exceptionally fresh and varied.

Find security in the unchanging ways you reflect our unchanging God. The order and symmetry in how you my daughters, distinctly reflect certain aspects of God’s character that my sons do not. How both of you exhibit other aspects of God’s character together that we see consistently across his vast creation.

Find purpose in the extraordinary ways you reflect our God of unending beauty and creativity. The artistry and originality in how you reflect your Creator, uniquely from all my other children and from all of his, because of gifts and traits singularly woven together in you alone.

Our Legacy

Look at his past chapters. God’s cast of righteous female characters is both narrow in the seeming source and object of their faith, yet broad in the ways and means and personalities his image-bearers display his glory. We see daughters who were wise judges and mighty leaders, we see daughters who were meek and who clung to the feet of Jesus. We read of daughters who build homes with wisdom and perseverance, and daughters who destroy strongholds of sin and injustice. We hear of daughters whose hands compassionately feed the poor, hands that skillfully deliver endangered babies, and hands that drive tent pegs of justice. We see daughters who save lives, who risk their lives, who give their lives. We see God accomplish his purposes through his daughters whether a queen or prostitute, fertile or barren, married or single, young or old, strong or weak.

Daughters, you were formed in this place and moment for a reason. You are part of the symphony that takes the same notes that have been played for ages, and arranges them in ever-new, ever-relevant, ever-praiseworthy ways. You were chosen by the composer himself to be woven into his masterpiece, in moments and means that would not be as glorious or excellent without you.

My daughters, I pray for you, a mind that is fiercely wise. A heart that is tirelessly compassionate. A soul that is selflessly brave. Words that are true and deeply kind. Arms that are strong to build and defend and care. And eyes that continually seek your Lord as the source and object of your strength.

Continue Reading

[On Family]

Hands Worth Holding

No Comments

Hey, baby girl. If you’re gonna find a guy later, find one like him. One who loves you every ounce as much when things are falling apart as he does when things are wonderful.

Like when you’re having a meltdown on the boardwalk because too much sun and too little sleep leaves you at less than your best. And things like walking and eating ice cream simultaneously feel like a really big deal, yet stopping to eat it feels bigger.

But guys like him just hold your hand and wipe your tears and patiently spoon feed you while you take deep breaths and walk at that perfect pace that’s not so fast that you feel out of control, but not so slow that you feel left behind.

And it gives you the chance to remember who you are and who made you.

Those are the kind of hands worth holding and shoulders worth leaning on. Trust me on that one…


Continue Reading

[On Faith], [On Family], [On Schooling]

On Learning Our Children

No Comments

We take it year-by-year, but these last few years we’ve schooled our kids at home. It’s not some big principled, reject-the-system, religious-exemption sort of thing, we just decide with each child, each Fall, in each place, where we think we should put them based on their needs and our abilities.

Partially due to two years of moving, even when abilities and bandwidth were low my third kid is one who has never had report cards or textbooks or bus stops. But she’s played and experienced and learned naturally. It’s what I kinda had wanted for all of my kids. Because I truly believe that it’s hard to make a child love to learn once you’ve killed their awe and wonder, and it’s difficult to nurture that when you remove playing and exploring and discovering too soon. And boy, does this girl love to learn. In a way that I’m not entirely sure she would have discovered if she’d been sitting in a desk instead of out in the world.

But there have been moments of fear. I recently went to bed a few weeks ago in tears and panic and exasperation because this spirited, recently-turned-7-year-old is not independently reading. I mean, I was reading The Chronicles of Narnia and Nancy Drew when I was seven, and this girl could care less about barely being able to read a cereal box. She has big brothers to read her words, parents to read her stories, and she simply has never felt the need. While I thought I was maybe okay with this, the system we still have to peripherally navigate, isn’t really. A (self-imposed) 30-minute evaluation resulted in words like “delayed,” and “potential learning disabilities,” and “totally not ready for second grade,” kinda shook me and made me second guess all sorts of things.

Just know, I LOVE teachers. I so appreciate schools. They’ve provided structure at times for my children who needed it. They’ve provided support at times for my children who struggled with things I didn’t feel equipped to navigate. Systems are needed when you have to educate millions of children in a nationally standardized way. I could never do what they do, day in and day out.

Systems can be hard though. I think they catch some big and important things and I think they overlook some big and important things. I’ve had a child who struggled with the system because he learned, and processed, and read much slower than others. I’ve had a child who struggled with the system because he learned, and processed, and read much faster than others. But for the most part I’ve agreed, and understood, and felt as if they were hurdles that were beneficial to learn how to navigate as a part of life. Hard work, patience, respecting authority, self-control, waiting for others…

The Things That Fear Hides

It hit me differently with this girl, this time around though. It was unexpected in that they were words and descriptors that were so utterly different from the ones I’ve gathered while observing her vivacious, bright, quick-witted mind for the last 7 years.

This child I birthed and know so deeply in ways others don’t have the privilege to. I hear her stories, I watch her play, I experience her thoughts and ideas. She’s quite possibly the most confident (yet realistic) child I’ve ever met, and for the first time ever I caught a little glimpse of her confidence faltering. And it killed me.

I’m not one for false confidence. It’s shaky ground that will not age well, but it’s so important to me that they understand the gifts that God truly formed them with. That they see them, develop them, use them, and understand that much will be required of them in those areas in exchange.

I want her and others to see those precious gifts in ways that a thirty-minute evaluation or a standardized test will not show.

I went to bed so conflicted and worried, and woke up like God was gently shaking me and reminding me of who she really was. Who he made her to be. Who I’ve always known her to be, yet was forgetting in my worries.

Who IS My Child?

She’s like my very own Anne of Green Gables. Some of my kids are smart, some are funny, but she’s that brilliantly witty combination of both. She quotes Shakespeare (“All’s fair in love and war,” she’ll say to her big brother complaining of unfairness). Her vocabulary and ability to communicate deep things takes my breath away. Not just remembering words, but hearing them, understanding them, and using them ages later in perfect context.

She loves every place we’ve ever lived or visited. She adores the beauty of the mountains, the excitement of the city, the peacefulness of the country, the newness and sociableness of hotels, the coziness of a 350 square foot travel trailer….

She loves interacting with people, yet she can play by herself for hours upon hours. She’s never been bored. She taught herself how to ride a bike in about 17 seconds.

She’s fascinated by how things work, how things are made, how things came to be. Her theological questions and connections blow me away. She loves documentaries, she loves creating things and describing things, she loves stories.

Her imagination is intense, her excitement is intense, her anger is intense, her frustration is intense, her love is intense. I’m not sure she’s ever felt anything partially or halfway in her life. She says what she means and she means what she says.

She will talk to anyone. Not like a child meaninglessly chattering away to any person who will pretend to listen… but wherever I take her, she almost always manages to locate and plant herself next to some other soul, whether 3-years-old or 93-years-old, to effortlessly connect with them and draw them out. Eventually I’ll find her, passionately, yet matter-of-factedly discussing family relationships, hopes and dreams, personality characteristics of grandchildren, favorite places traveled, shared frustrations of life, or how they like their job, or being married, or getting old, or starting kindergarten…

Give her 5 minutes on a playground, and she’ll have a “pack of boys” (in her words) following her around, fighting her battles, and playing her games. Not because she needs to dominate or control, but because she’s insanely confident and her excitement is contagious.

She sees people and gets people and figures out how to love them practically. When I have a migraine she holds my hand and brings me ice packs. She lectured my husband before leaving on a recent trip with the grandparents, that he better take good care of me and make my coffee just like she does, until her return.

She is a gift and she has a gift.

Learning My Child

I say all this, not because it’s important to me that people understand home-schooling, or question public-schooling, or tell me comforting things like I’ve done the very best I could with her (I haven’t). And honestly, her summer reading tutor is absolutely wonderful and knowledgeable and much-appreciated, and knowing my daughter, she’ll probably be reading The Iliad and War and Peace by next week. But my point is, that even if she isn’t, that’s really okay too.

Ever since she was born, my verse for her has always been Luke 1:45. “Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord had said to her will be accomplished.” Because it will. Not because she will accomplish it herself, or I will, or anyone else will, but because HE will.

If their God-given strengths aren’t diminished by their God-given weaknesses, then they certainly aren’t going to be by their world-given “weaknesses.” Even if we’re going about this all wrong it’s not going to change who they are and who they were created to be. No parent, or school, or system, or curriculum could ever take away what was given to them by the hand of God. We need to look at our children and learn them. See their struggles and help them, watch for their gifts and value them, not because they are our child, but because they are a person made in the image of God.

Continue Reading